-_-

Guys nowadays are SO WEIRD. You were the one who seemed so friendly at first. You were the one who approached. You were the one who started everything.

Now what? I explained. And i don't know why the hell did I explain all those shits to you. 

Maybe it's because i don't want to lose a friend. I could open up and chat with you, once. Everything came so naturally. I didn't have to think about what to talk next. I felt that, we could be close friends. 

But, BUT. After all those craps I've said, you didn't reply. I. Hate. That. I hate it when people don't reply me especially guys. 

Anyway. To that someone, if and only if you're reading this. I didn't lie. That was one of the reason. You aren't meaningless. You aren't stupid either. I have my own reason not to tell you why. But it doesn't means that I lied to you. 

I just don't want to lose a friend. 

why

She told me, someone asked me about your facebook. My heart stopped beating. That moment, I secretly asked myself, would it be him? No. It wouldn't. I shook my head and replied. I knew it wouldn't be him, that's why i didn't have the urge to guess who he is.

So this someone asked me. And i told him the reason. Yeah right. That was one of the reason. Minor...? He didn't believe. Fine. Then why did you ask in the first place? 

Why did i even bother to explain?

3rd time this year

LOOOOOOOOOO. 

My voice is smexy. SO BERY DA S-M-E-X-Y. 

I'm sick. 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

-______- What?! 

The 3rd time this year. T__T My bro called back just now and i picked up the phone. 

Me: Hello

Bro: Hello, mummy?

HOI. 

4 in 1

24.08.11

After class, Ah Mek asked me out for lunch, felt reluctant to go at first but then i still went at last. In the end, Jing Lih joined us. It's been a looooooooooooooong time since we talked like that. The moment I sat down, i heard the word "fat". And when Jing Lih came, he said something worst. *cough* 

Ah Mek avoiding the camera. =..=


Went to teach as usual. The more i spend time with them, the more i love those two. JUST two. :) Let's see.

The one with the wide wide smile is Nigel. The blue shirt kid is Juston. These two kids are cute. Ahaha. I don't know why, i just like them. The green shirt kid is... Enson? Sorry, i can't spell his name.


25.08.11
Last night, stayed up to study Chemistry. But not even a single word went into my brain. I don't know why. Images of someone was everywhere. I couldn't concentrate. Turned off the lights and went to bed. As soon as the lights were off, tears started running down my face.

Grabbed my phone, there were 2 messages. One was from twin. It was a short text, but what she wrote made me cried harder. The other one, was expected. Staring at that one word and one emoticon, I didn't know what to do. Tears rolling down drop by drop.

This morning, the mood wasn't back yet. Sorry guys for showing that face. Halfway reading the notes, i fall asleep. Maybe God was beside me and He asked me to sleep. So that I wouldn't see him driving into campus or seeing him coming into campus or whatever. And I'll probably be moody for the rest of the day.

After lunch, David told me that he was in the campus. I was teasing twin about xiao huang. After David told me about it, my heart stopped beating. Although he wasn't there, I wanted to run. I don't know where, but i wanted to run. Angela said she saw him this morning but she didn't dare to tell me.

That was the first time I didn't notice that he was in campus. Good news, isn't it?


26.08.11
Tried this test because i was bored and found it quite accurate. T____T

你的好奇心很强，喜欢凑热闹，个性就像孩子一样，所以你无法忍受一丁点的孤单寂寞，也因此你挑选伴侣时，往往是[好伴比坏伴好，坏伴比没伴好]，这样的想法经常让你变成苦命的阿信，无怨无悔，不求回报地为对方付出，但是对方却不一定懂得疼惜你，你反而可能变成被提分手的对象。

Means I have to change my attitude? Okay, I'll try. 

Bought this at Popular. :) Hopefully i gonna finish it. 

28.08.11

After breakfast yesterday, went to Parkson, Pullman, One Jaya, and finally The Spring. Saw one at Parkson. The price? rm231.2. Handsome much. My mom was like, you like it? Buy. And my heart was kinda itchy. :3 Esprit Pullman. Another nice one. rm139.90. 

I gave up the one at One Jaya. My dad was kind enough to bring me to The Spring. Saw 2 at Esprit. Same price. D.i.l.e.m.m.a. 

Me: which one?

Mom: This one leather macam pasar malam. That one colour not  nice.

-.- 

Me: Dy, nice? *showing him one of the bag*

Dad: *nod nod* nice.

Me: *showing him two bags*

Dad: *look at me*... er.. I don't know. You decide yourself. 

My dad is the kind of person that support whatever decision i make. My mom is the kind of person that give.. the pros and the cons. WHICH give me more dilemma all the time. 

Finally, i decided. TA-DAA!

Back home, my mom loves the bag more than me. x) Ahaha.

Breakfast this morning, Lian suddenly called. Had 2nd round breakfast with them. Old friends are always the best. :)

My mom asked about him again. Tad.

He was in my dream again. Tud. 

                                                                                                                      好期待哪天          

                                                                                                                      在那条路上

                                                                                                                      不再想起那些充满遗憾的

                                                                                                                      回忆

Sudden

Suddenly have this feeling that 

i'm all alone. 

梦里的我

这晚

犹如往常

静静的掉泪

曾经好害怕的黑暗

现在已经成为

最好的陪伴

因为只有在黑暗中

才会觉得安全

才能卸下面具 

放任泪水流下

回忆

好残忍

每次都是深深的

狠狠的

刺在心的最深处 

那些遗憾

清楚知道不应该

但还是想了

每当他被问起的时候

心里难忍得要命

可却要以开玩笑的心态回答

脸上的笑容

有多僵硬？

身边的人都察觉了

我却拼了命的掩盖

为的是不让自己

受伤

她说  

你难道就没有发现吗？

为什么他要那么做？

你

自己想想

the car beside

After lunch

His car was beside mine. 

:)

class and car

So, it was around 12pm, I was bored so i turned to face the window. Few seconds later, i saw this group of senior..? Passing by, then i saw this... familiar figure.

*facepalm*


I just did that. Nothing else. Whenever i see him, i do that. :3


I was trying to run away from campus as soon as Miss Kho dismissed us, because of some stupid reason. Ignore that part. It was freaking hot in my car, so i winded down the window. The next moment, 2 guys came out from the corner. Him. Tud. Him!

I didn't dare to look up. I was busy staring at my phone. :( I drove away after they went to his car?

My heart didn't beat for him.

So i guess that means it's nothing :)

Wilber

Everything started from the day I knew Wilber's coming to Kuching through my foster brother. I was so excited and the first person who came to mind was my dear. :3 I told her and she was like, HOW TO GET THE FREAKING TICKET?! And i was like, ouh right. I forgot we need ticket. 

So let's ignore how we got the ticket, shall we?

*nod nod*

The nearer it was, the more i didn't have the mood. *whispers* I even forgot about it when i woke up yesterday morning. :3 Shhh.. Let's keep it a secret, or else my cousin's gonna slap me. So, as usual, I stuck my butt beside the laptop for the whole day. Around 4, bathed myself and got ready. 

Arrived at The Spring, heads everywhere. And we saw people queuing for something at the Digi counter. We joined. It was actually like that, the first 60 with 2 tickets will be able to get an album for free. 

We queued. *Look at the loooooooong line* Forget about it, we gave up.

After dinner, we went to have a look at the stage. There were a few zone. We got curious where were we going to be. So we went to ask the Digi guy. We walked here and there, asked 4 person? And the worst part was, we got 4 different answers. Dayumm. At last, the conclusion was, we will only be at the Digi/ Normal Zone. 

HOI! You know how far that zone was? I bet Wilber's face will be like bean size from that far. We were so disappointed. No wait, I wasn't disappointed that time. Because I didn't feel the excitement nor the looking forward-ment. 

Oh well, we went upstairs and tried to squeeze into the crowd. Damn those 2 girls in front. Tad. My cousin and I talked and talked and talked. Finally, the MC? DJ? came out and spoke. I wasn't paying attention to him. But then, my cousin suddenly told me, eh he said if you have ticket you can get into VIP zone woi. I was like, ah? really ar? Okay i go down try you wait here. 

I went down, showed the lady my ticket and she gave me a cop. I was like, HOI REALLY OR NOT?! I didn't care and went in. WUU! The feeling of stepping into that zone. *nose high high* So, that was how we got in. And we looked up and gave those 2 girls the squeeze-la-as-if-i-care look. EH HEH!! In your face!

Waited... waited... waited... That was when the excitement came, finally. It was getting more and more crowded. Skip the long long boring game session by Myfm. =..=

8.30pm? He finally came out. WOOTZ!! With glasses. Pweeehehh... :3 Screams cheers whistles. Ouch. My ears hurt. He was singing and dancing and smiling at the same time. Crash my camera for not being able to capture those moments.

You know what? We were originally standing at the 3rd row? I mean there were still quite a number of people in front. But when he came out, people got so excited that they started pushing. I was squeezed to the front. OH HOH HOH! Thank you so much. 

There was this girl who was so lucky that she got to take photo with him. And she requested to have a hug. The next second, he hugged her. Aww. Nice guy. The dancers and him taught the other 3 the dance steps of his song. In the end, the slender girl won. I didn't see what happened because i was deleting the photos in my freaking camera. [memory full] TUD!! My cousin said, Wilber was going to give the bear to the girl but it fall and she picked it up. Wilber took it back, kissed it and gave it to her. YERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! 

Ahhhhhh. If he was Uknow, and if i saw him doing that, i'll definitely faint then and there. 

He continued to sing after the game. Thanks to my lovely camera, i didn't video any sentimental song he sang. T_T Oh well, i just paid attention to him. And and and, our eyes met thrice. EH HEH!! *imagining he's Uknow* Woi. Die. Sure die!

:3

After singing 6 songs, autograph signing. We didn't buy the album so we could only see other people go up the stage. Later, finish that autograph signing session, he thanked the fans and everyone. He's so cute. 

Note: some photos aren't taken by me. :)

Videos? Facebook please.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Next time, 

i'll get your autograph. :)

Wishing Well

Was enjoying myself. Smiling and laughing with my cousin. 

Something happened. My heart started thumping like nobody's business. 

Went for a walk with my cousin. Because my heart thumped so fast that i have breathing problem. 

From time to time, i glanced around. Praying for that familiar figure not to appear. But at the same time, secretly hoping that I can steal a glance at him. 

We went to the Wishing Well. I knew it was ridiculous but i still hoped for something to happen. I rang the bell. Made a wish with the coin in my palms. And threw it into the well. 

My cousin was still teasing me. She GASPPP!!! And i jumped. Woi. That's not funny ok. My heart is very sensitive la ho? You gasp once, it thump faster a bit la ho? Tad. 

I wonder if you've done the same thing i did.

Dream

Woke up last night. Grabbed my phone, it showed 2.34am. I asked myself, why wake up at this time? Or did i even fall asleep?

It was so quiet. The only thing i heard was the air-con. Plugged in the earphones, again. Searched for that song, again. On Rainy Days. Brought back a lot of memories. Tears started running down my face. I knew it's gonna be another night with wet pillow.

I don't know when and how i fall asleep. This morning i heard my alarm but i refused to wake up. Because of that dream. It felt so real. He was in the dream. He was so near, yet so far. T_T

I didn't want this. He came into my life and messed everything up. No wait. It's not his fault. He didn't even knocked, but i opened the door and let him in.

How am i going to forget 

the first time our eyes met

321.2

I did stupid thing this morning. While i was having my toast, Shawnne suddenly went, *gasp* staring at the window. I thought what happened, turned, and saw something. My feet told me to run. So did i. But Shawnne pulled me back. -_-

In the end, I managed to hide in the library. Do what? Sleep :3

After sleeping for like 10 minutes, I walked down with the who-are-you-sorry-i'm-blur face. As soon as the heavy door swung open, i saw the familiar figure. No feel, at all. Yeah. I never feel anything when i see this guy.

Their result came out at around 1. His result was pretty good. :) After lunch, we went to library. With the earphone plugged in, listening to the same rhythm over and over again, thinking about something that i shouldn't be thinking. Before tearing up, i switched on the computer.

Facebook as usual. And then i saw this photo that i see everyday. My twin and Angela did something. Evil. My twin started to type something, but i managed to hit backspace button. WOI. She typed numbers. And. Enter. 321.2 it was, in the chatbox.

*pulled my hair and screamed*

Scream. Seriously.

Calmed down after a while. We were watching Bigbang performance and my twin suddenly went, AH XXXX reply! That was when my heart started thumping real fast. But i know it didn't thump for THAT reason. It's like you talk to someone you never talked to and you feel... ER.. Nervous. Ya nervous!

It was a short conversation. And i know it was nothing. Back home, only then i realized what really happened. And i smiled. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing more. I smiled because, the dilemma of chatting with him or not was solved. At least i've typed 3 lines. :3

Girl, he doesn't care. 

命

我一直都觉得老天好不公平。当你觉得你好幸福的时候，他会毫不留情的把你拖到地狱，让你不知所措。那时的你，好无助。好想痛哭一场，可却欲哭无泪。所以，你选择沉默，静静地活着。


其实，应该要习惯了。因为从懂事以来就是这样活过来的。无论是亲戚，朋友，老师...所有的人，都是这样。尝试过改变，但结果却是一样的。

累了，不想再管了。但是老天却让我短暂的拥有过，让我起了贪念，让我想要得到更多。

一直以来，身边围绕着好多人的都不可能是我。看着人群嘻嘻哈哈，心里好不是滋味。或许，我加入他们，也可以变成他们的一分子。或许，我开口，就不会有这样的感觉。或许，我真的应该...

可是，我能怎么办？我不善于表达自己。应该说，我不喜欢说话，不喜欢主动和别人搭讪。但是这并不代表我不需要陪伴，不需要别人的安慰。我也想要每天在回忆中，笑声中度过。我也会想要有群好得不得了的朋友。我也会想要朋友来到我身边而不是我用热脸去贴别人的冷屁股。

所以我选择沉默，选择静静的坐在一旁，看着你们，感受你们的快乐。或许，我一生就得这么过。


很讽刺，我知道。但是如果真的是这样...那我任命。:)

走吧…都走吧，反正我已经习惯了一个人…

Inbox

Delete all messages?

Yes 

I shall be fine without you. :')

Open Day

So, let's start from the day I volunteered to help out. (uiseh..) *cough* Miss Linda put me in Bistro. Alright. Wash plate. Serving. Smile. Great. Just great. 

Early in the morning, Angela and I reached at the same time. Twin came. We talked nonsense. Then I saw this guy. :3 The first thing i did when i saw him walking towards the main entrance was *facepalm*. Seriously. I don't know why. He was in suit. :3 And he looked cute. :3 

Bistro. Yeah. That's where i spent my whole day. Kelly was there too. Hi Kelly. :) Julian told us what we should do. It sounded easy. Hmm... But basically what we did today was, wash plates, dry plates, wash plates, dry plates. That's it. Easy job. 

While I was washing the dishes, I saw something which distracted me. WOI. My heart so sensitive. T.T I even  had breathing difficulty. I left the dishes for Kelly, ran out and shouted, ANGELA!!!!!!!!!!! I grabbed her hand, jumped around as if nobody's around. She tried to calm me down. But she started to panic as well when she saw him. Haha. It was kinda funny, thinking about it now. 

Back to the bar. We got to see Mr Christopher do the cocktail and stuff. It was interesting. And i love it. We tried all sorts of.. alcoholic beverages. They said I turned pink. Hmm.. OUH! I love the Hazelnut Frappuccino. So nice! 

This is the Hazelnut Frappuccino. Should have taken photo for the rest but i forgot. x)

And now the cute guy. :3 He came into Bistro from time to time. Can't even count the times he came in just to look into the mirror. Ahaha. I told my twin that this guy looks cute even when he washed his mouth, she gave me the stop-it-will-you look. Serious ma. He ish cute. And and and and and and!! *gasps* Our eyes met. Thrice? I don't remember. 

*facepalm* *pull hair and run in circle*

SLAP 

Ouch. Okay wake up. 

Last thing. Thanks Mia for everything today, Mr Christopher for all the drinks, Julian and Mr Ting for the coffee and the helps. :) I love it there today. 

He was always around. I'm happy. Just happy, that's all.

my wish was granted

Last night, i was so desperate to see him. And i told my twin about it. She asked me, what are you going to do if you see him. I didn't know how to answer her.

Yeah. What am I going to do if I really see him? I knew I would tremble if i see him. I knew I wouldn't dare to look straight into his eyes if i see him. I knew it. But deep inside, I'm dying to see him.

And God heard me.

When I was driving into the campus, I searched for that familiar rectangular thingy. Yesh. No sign of it. *continue driving*. Dayum!! It was there!! My heart started racing. There was an empty spot beside his. NO. I drove away.

I walked into campus. I just rushed to the stairs. And went straight to library. T.T

I want to see him. :(

I said I wanted to see you but when I know you're around, I tried to avoid.

为什么

为什么那么坚持？
虽然嘴上说放弃了
可事实上却还是那么执着。

为什么还是会不时的想起来？
就算是小小的事情
也可以唤起有关你的记忆

每天嬉皮笑脸
可只要到了晚上
就不再坚强

躺在床上闭着眼睛
逼自己不去想
可偏偏就是会想起来

就算是睡觉前也都要戴上耳机
为的是不让自己觉得孤单
但是
却流泪了

这一切

或许只是为了

不让自己再轻易的爱上任何人

should be used to it

It was always like this. I should be used to it.

It has been 11,12 years already? Every year, everywhere.. I'm going through the same thing. No matter how much effort i put in to try to change things, in the end it turns out to be the same.

I always treated people the way i wanted them to treat me back. But everything proved me wrong. No matter what I do, I'll get back the same thing.

I'm sick of being the clown all the time while the others stare at me like i'm an alien or something.

I miss school life. I miss 5sc1. I miss Vivian Kuan. I miss Lilian Lau. I miss Envira Lee. I miss Tsai Sze Hui. I miss Miss Tan. I miss everyone from school. T.T At least being with you guys, i don't feel how i feel now.



Sitting alone in student lounge, music at full blast, every single scene came back to mind. How he used to come back to campus for that stupid request. How he used to poke me. How he used to pinch my face. How he used to do all those things which meant a lot to me but it's nothing to him.

I cried then and there. Hopefully they didn't see my tears.

Just one night. 

Let me cry

first day and brave sisters

First day of work today. Hmm.. Wasn't that bad after all. And guess what, there was this little kid, who is sho dayumm cute. Handsome some more. Tad. He came talk to me. WOI! Kid! I love you! 

AND. I've got 2 brave sisters. 

Er.. I mean, I have 3 sisters, 2 of them are so brave. I salute! 

BUT. 

Those guys ruined my mood. One kept denying. And the other one has internet connection problem? Nevermind. Whatever. 4 of us, are having the same fate. Oh wait. The little one is still a question mark. Hopefully she's gonna make it!

Guys are weird. SO WEIRD. Can you at least make things clear before you do anything? Even though you didn't want to hurt that girl? Oh wait. You stupid thing, you're hurting her by doing that. Got it? 

SLAP. All the 4 guys. 

It's funny how you try to comfort a person who feels sad for someone, 

not knowing that you are actually that "someone". 

哪天

你身边

多了一个这样的她

高高的

好苗条

脸蛋小小的

好漂亮的眼睛

笑起来甜甜的

非常关心你

最重要的是

你紧紧地牵着她

因为她是你的选择

这天

我会告诉你

好好珍惜她

下定决心了

就不要轻易放弃

毕竟

你们在对的时间

遇见了彼此

不懂你微笑的意思

我猜不到你真正的感觉

幻想

每次回去婆婆家

或者任何亲戚家

我都走遍整间屋子

和所有人打招呼

今天脑子就突然有这种画面

我看见自己

牵着另一个人的手

拉着他去打招呼

舅舅，姑姑，这个是XX

然后那个XX

就会微微笑着叫人

但是

那个XX

我不知道是谁

幻想里

看不到他的脸 xD

可奇怪的是

我感觉得到

他手里的温度

这不切实际的幻想

不会实现

但是想一下不犯法吧？x)

Uknow and Wilber

People who are close to me probably know that there's this guy who i love so much. Yesh. Love. More than anyone else. And nobody shall replace him. NOT EVEN MY FUTURE HUSBAND. Bahaha. 


Oh right. I was craving for his parts in Kiss and Cry. At this point of time, Google sucks. I couldn't find any. Until my dear told me Funshion has Korean variety show. And BOOM. I spotted Kiss and Cry. FTW Funshion!! 


I downloaded everything. And was smiling from time to time when he performed. And and and i checked Allkpop. There was this latest episode. Claudia and him used Star Wars as their theme. You know what? THEY WERE AWESOME!!  Check it out. 


Kiss and cry - Star Wars




Just look at the roses they got. :3 And FYI, Uknow got the most roses in the first performance. He got first place.
Laaaaaaaaaaaa.... I was so hyper after watching. My dad was like, you watched him again ar? *smile* *nod nod nod*


He never fails to surprise me. He never fails to make me smile. Yeap. This guy. Seriously. Is awesome. Perfect! <3 



Just came back from The Spring. My dear wanted to get the Wilber's ticket. So we went to reload. Digi is superb. Reload rm30, free 2 tickets. Oh well. We got the ticket.

10 minutes later....

Me: Oh. I got his ticket. Woi. WOI!
Dear: =..=
Me: Eh if this ticket is for Uknow right. I tell u right. I WILL CRY!!!
Dear: Happy till crazy right?
Me: Abu den?

She was soooooooooooo excited. So am i? I guess. Imagine, Uknow come to Kuching. And I am going to... No. I can't imagine. I'll cry. For real.

This is the 4th year since i fall for you. 

:) 

This is wrong

I feel like crying. 

I don't know why.

Bye. 

NO! NEVER!!

What the hell am i thinking and doing?! I know this isn't right. I know!! But i'm still doing it. 

Dayuuum!

Slaps myself. 

Bangs wall. 

*Ouch..* 

WAKE UP GIRL!! STOP DOING THIS!

only one

So proud of my sisters. :D

My twin, after the encouragement, she finally typed something. :3 Bubu. 

The little girl, accidentally sent something. In mandarin, we say, beautiful mistake?

Our Er Jie, yesh you did it. And you SHOULD do it earlier.

Everybody is doing well. I'm the only one not doing anything. Or should i say, not knowing what to do?

IMY. T.T

her

She came in, pulled my sweater, she had that usual face. I thought maybe she just wanted to show me something. I followed her upstairs. She pointed at the paper on the wall.

I didn't know what she mean. I re-read. Oh right. I knew what happened. She walked down alone. I went into class after that. She was sitting by the table. I went near her. She was crying. Seriously, i was shocked. I never expect to see her tears. T.T I didn't know what to do. The only thing i did was patting her.

She said she cried that day. I was already shocked. What more to say when she's crying in front of me?


After lunch, we went down to the lounge because the library was too.. noisy. -..- The rest went back, leaving the 2 of us. I wanted to talk to her. But i don't know how. I know how she feel. Looking at her was like seeing myself. Months ago, when i knew he was leaving, i told myself that yeah he's leaving, so i can let go earlier. But deep inside, my heart wasn't thinking the same.

She is braver than me. She cried. I hid my tears. I told everyone i was okay. But actually i wasn't. I cried in my blanket, so that nobody see my tears.

Girl, it's okay to cry. Don't forget you have us with you all the time. :)

Try

when you can.

Smile

when he's still there.